I feel grieved for what happened recently.

I thought that's what I wanted, regardless hurting my most beloved one.

Have I changed? I would say it's I have more courage now to pursue what I really want without considering others' feelings.

I feel so sad to see you cry, and also guilty that I don't feel as sad as you to leave this relationship, even though I know you gave everything you have to me and tried the best to make this relationship work.

You have been always the one who support and encourage me all the time and I am so used to it. I am used to talking to you everyday without trying to reach you, because you have always tried to reach me first.

I finally make up my mind to tell you what I want without thinking the fact that you won't be available for me anytime anymore.

You told me it's impossible to be like we were before, then I realized I am so selfish to want you to keep being my good friend after I do such thing to you.

You are my first real love and you are the first person to love me and connect to me so deeply.

You are my treasure, yet I decide to throw you away.

I can't help because I know you deserve someone who loves you as much as you loves her and I am not that person.

I am sorry. I don't love you as a lover anymore but as a friend.

You feel abandoned, like other closed ones had done to you in the past.


I have always feel confused because my heart and brain have always told me to go to the different directions.

I have always had low self-esteem that I thought I don't deserve good things and to be loved until I met you. 

I will try my best to live without you being there.

I know it's hard for you, too. Both of us would try our best to move on and we will see from there.

Popo, you are so selfless, you keep reminding me what I should do with myself before we ended our talk yesterday.

I love you because of your beautiful heart. You have a heart of gold.

I will always love you and be there for you, like you said you would always be there for me.

I will love you always, my love, and this is not a forever goodbye.



Lydia's Diary

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