real love 3         


Time flies. Our new love is steady and strong after 4 months of daily online dates.  Isn't that amazing?


I know, it's hard to believe even to myself. I am the kind of person who used to think it's stupid and impossible to fall for someone purely online. You know the logics. How's that possible to truly understand and trust someone without getting to know them in person? Plus, once a while there would be some ridiculous news on newspaper like someone being "fooled" by their online lovers and lost thousands of dollars, without meeting them in person of course. They must be way to lonely to lose their mind and buy into that kind of stupid scam, I thought. What a shame!


And Here I am, falling in love with a man 12,708 kilometers away and he feels the same.


Right here at the coming age of 30, I am learning a whole new lesson, the kind of love exist beyond race, distance and time.


We talk twice a day. The more we understand each other, the more we are fond of each other. Eventually, we can't help to fall in love and say the magical 3 words even before we meet up. You know dating without sex for over a month is like a mission impossible nowadays and we are going to do this most likely for 6 months! Gosh! I can't believe it either! But the distance actually helps both of us get to know each other without sexual distraction or attachment, which does more good than bad for my case.


PS. I still prefer to recognize myself more a girl than a woman right now :P


There are moments of doubts and insecurities causing by my unsolved issues from my past and present. He is always willing to take the time to discuss everything and anything with me in order to help me understand him better and work on my own issues. We are completely honest and open with each other. I am pretty much at one of the worst spots so far in my life, but he still wants me and to be with me. It feels like we are meeting each other at the right time and the right moment, after we all went through something similar to the dark night of the soul. (I am probably still in it? But I am so thankful to have him right now and any given time)


I acknowledge that I still have a lot personal issues to work on because I am not satisfied and happy with the way my life is so far still. I want to offer the best self to someone I love and make him happy in a relationship with me, so I don't know I am totally ready for him yet. At the same time I know there is no such a thing as not ready yet, so I hope and know with time and effort, I will gradually become a happier, healthier, more independent, fearless, mindful, conscious and peaceful woman. Even if I don't achieve all my ideals in the future, it's ok, too. 


I can't wait to feel him, touch him, kiss him, hug him or just do nothing with him. We know the moment we finally meet in person is going to be earth-shaking, breathtaking, and unforgettable moment!


I am so lucky to have him right now!


Untitled 65      



(To be continued)


Lydia's Diary

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